Happy Birthday to me!!!

Hello!

Today is my birthday and it is going to be a sober and clean one. Wow, it has been a long time since this has happened. I am still pursuing work although I have some good leads. I am going to a staffing agency on Monday and hopefully they can put me to work soon. I am not used to factory work , but I think I can handle it. I have never worked in one before. I have only done construction and farming all my life. I really don't like the thought of doing the same thing every day, but it will grow on me, I hope. I am having a hard time right know with cravings. So I am just blogging to help keep my mind off of it.

Here are some cool thoughts. When we were drinking most of us never thought of helping others. We liked to buy drinks for people, because that made us feel like big shots. But we used others for our own pleasure. To really go out and try to help somebody who needed help never occurred to me. To me, helping others made me feel like a sucker. I am beginning to think that helping others may be a good thing as they may help me through my situation.

I will pray for only that God's will be done. I will use God's power for my needs. I pray that I may seek God's guidance day by day.

Well I guess I am done rambling on, thank you all and God most of all for helping me through these troubled times.

Thanks for steadying my wagon on this long and super bumpy road helping to keep me from tipping over.

Youtube is down right now -- when they are back up -- I'll post a song for ya'll.

Long Time No See -- Can I buy you a beer?

Hello!

Well I got to work yesterday and it went good.

I did have a lot of temptation but didn't give in. I would like to thank all my readers for their comments and support.I know a saying that goes like this "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." they may not hurt you physically but can do some damage mentally.

I have to do this for myself and no one else or I believe I will fail. I am going to do this for me first, and then maybe the rest will fall into place.

I am hoping I get to work some more in the future so that I can get my fine paid and help around the house. I had a long day at work yesterday, but I enjoyed it. It felt good to get out of the house and into the workforce world. I had several chances to fall but kept myself strong. I even went to my old watering hole and sat down with the guys and proudly drank Mountain Dew.

Something funny, a friend made this comment about me while in the bar " Hell someone take a picture, N***** is in here and drinking a Mountain Dew amazing." Of course this got several laughs and a few questions. One of the old timers said that he was very proud of me for what I was doing. I miss the times I had there at the watering hole back in my home town and I really miss all the money I dropped in the place. I did get some offers to drink but gladly responded I will take a refill of soda if you don't mind. But some of the offers were for beer only. I don't understand this: they will pay 1.75 for a beer but won't pay 75 cents for a soda pop. I shot some pool and kicked ass and took names. This is one of the things I miss about the bar, the games of pool and the money I won while playing. I hope that some day I will be able to do this again. I don't want to make it a habit though because the temptation may get the best of me one time and as we all know all too well what that leads to.

Well that is all for know, but I hope to keep you all up to date on my long and bumpy roar to recovery in my little red wagon.

Thanks again, for the helpful tugs on my wagon!

Just a few questions

Hello!

• Why is it that everyone wants to pass judgement on people who have addications or diseases?
• Why is it that they all want to kick on you when you are down?
• Why do they all well most of them hope you fail?
• Then again, why is it that they don't want to help you, but would rather see you fail?

Maybe it is because they want you to think you are a no good pieace of shit, or that you are a dumbass, or a no good abusive basterd. I am NOT anything like this!

I don't understand!

I am trying my hardest and all of these things I have been called or told. I am not perfect by no means but I am trying to do the best I can. These comments and snide remarks make me so mad. I guess I should not let them bother me, but damn it is so hurtful. Maybe I don't take well to hearing these things said about me. But I guess I brought all of this upon myself because of my past actions.

Well I don't live in the past now, I live in the future. I am very sorry for what I did in the past, but I can't change what happened then. Believe me if I could I would have changed alot of the choices I made in life. I am sure we all wish we could change something in our past, but we all know that can't be done. The only thing I know that we can do is make changes in our life to make the future better. Life is full of choices and we all make some bad ones and good ones. I hope there is some people who can help answer these questions I have asked. The only thing I know for sure is that no one can judge me but the all mighty GOD above. There was only one perfect human being that I am aware and I pray to Him every night to help me.

Thanks for steadying my wagon - it was wanting to tip a little!